Anger Management in Children

Helping children deal with anger is very different form helping adults do the same simply because children aren’t even aware that they are angry. Anger for a child involves using unkind words, and making outbursts before he can even figure out the reason for his behavior. To help children manage their anger better, it is first important that you teach him to recognize the signs of his anger right at the onset of these symptoms.

Signs of Anger in Children

•	A child who is angry begins to whine or shout
•	He uses cruel words
•	He pouts or begins to breathe deeply
•	His body gets tensed and he clenches his teeth.

Learning to recognize these signs is paramount for you as a parent. When you have been able to recognize these signs it becomes easier for you to teach them to recognize these signs. When they are able to tell that they are getting an angry reaction, they will be able to take steps to control their reaction before their behavior erupts.

Teach the child to step back, and calm down. The most advisable anger management advice is to think things through calmly without getting worked up about it, and although it might seem difficult to teach kids these techniques it can be done if the parent takes the time to practice these techniques with the child.

Don’t deal with a child who is angry. It might seem like the logical thing to do to try and pacify a child who is in the throes of anger, but an angry child is not able to control his emotions or her words, and it won’t do any good to try and reason with her. Wait till the outburst has died down before you begin talking to the child.

Tell your child what he should do, not what he should not do. Many parents make this mistake when their children are in the middle of an argument or their toddler is throwing a tantrum. “Don’t talk to me like that,” “Don’t throw your toys on the floor” – such negative instructions don’t help. If anything, they only make the child more stubborn. Now, he wants to do exactly what you don’t want him to do because he wants to make you angry.

Don’t expect children to behave like adults.

Don’t punish anger. Instead, talk to the child and explain the consequences of his actions. Punishing breeds bitterness, and hasn’t been found to effectively curb anger tendencies.

Use some humor to defuse the situation. Take care not to make fun of the child; this will make matters worse. Make a joke about the situation that made him mad. Being able to smile even if only briefly, will help dissipate the tension.

If necessary, use an external motivator to defuse the anger. Offer the child something that he likes to help defuse the tension. Be careful about this technique though. You don’t want him to think you’re blackmailing him or bribing him. Then you run the risk of him faking a tantrum every time he wants something from you.

A hug can go a long way to assuage the anger. The hug here is not to eliminate the anger; it’s to offer comradeship and understanding.

You are the best example for your kids. Set an example of proper anger management in your own life by practicing techniques in front of the kids. Kids who develop angry violent behaviors aren’t born that way – they are only modeling their actions on the behavior of the parent.

Teach children anger management techniques, and the importance of talking about their feelings.

How Parenting Styles Affect a Child’s Anger

Some children are habitually angry. This means that they consider it their right to be angry, and believe that being angry is just a form of self expression,. These children grow up not being able to see things from other people’s perspective. In their dictionary, everything is black and white, and there is no room for flexibility. No wonder then that they get angry when things don’t go their own way.

Such types of kids normally fall into two categories – kid whose parents give too much, and kids whose parents give too little.

Parents who spoil their kids and shower all kinds of material things on their kids are liable to have kids who need discipline. Children need rules. It’s a universal truth. And when they don’t have rules set down for them they act out in the form of angry outbursts. Such children don’t have any boundaries set for themselves by their parents, so they are not able to see things from any other perspective but their own. They believe that they are entitled to everything, and when they don’t get what they want, this gives rise to anger.

The other category of children who are prone to anger are parents who give too little. Such parents are too self involved in their own lives and their work, to pay attention to anything that their child does. Such a child grows up feeling misunderstood and anxious. This child will grow up feeling that he is not worthy of anything, simply because he was not worthy of his parents’ attention. Such a child is likely to replace these feelings of alienation with feelings of anger.